after darkness must come light

so...i bought some new boots from target they are comfy
i went to my childbirth class with....my cousin:/ she didnt wana be there and it was obvious
i felt sad
i felt alone
i felt angry at myself and the other couple with there supportive spouses
most of all i was disappotinted that my mate didnt come (he had to work both his jobs)
moments like those you never get back and nothing can erase my feelings :(
at some points my partner would just flat out not participate and text instead how embaressing
i asked her why arent you doing it she told me i wasn't special
and indeed i did not feel special at all
i fat fat uncomfortable and out of place......where is my place anyways...
ive been feeling extremely down lately
im misplaced
im ugly
i want to look better
i want to dress better
my mate finds me unattractive i can tell
he ....doesnt...come..home..at night
he always tell me he'll be back yet i wake up alone and dazed
it's my fault i have to be prettier are try harder
ughhh...i hate that thats's the old me its NOT my fault and i know im doing the best i can
its me i look in the mirror and cry myself is very mean to me she calls me names and thinks horrible thoughts
the baby is the only thing that makes me happy
and if  i don't think i usually feel better
i just wish i had someplace to go and feel good about me
idk im moody uppp and then down
when im up it's all good but when im down im down
i still don't know how i should feel about his actions lately
i thought i looked ok  but yesterday my mom told me my new hairstyle ( the one i been liking and smiling about) made me look really old,brings out the acne in my face, and makes my face look hard.
sigh...so i put on my glasses ( i dont like to because it always makes me cry when i look into the mirror w/them so strictly school/driving use) and she was right! i felt betrayed by my eyes and really let down
i am alone
everyone complains that i visit them too much so im going to just keep to myself and become taciturn who cares anyways
from now on im only talking when necessary work/school other than that i will just express everything through blog ...if i don't like the post i can just delete it


  1. girl i feel your pain!
    when i was prego i was so alone
    babydad was not around at.all
    he didnt go to any dr. appt.
    none of my childbirth classes
    and when i was in labor he came when i was at 9 cm
    and then left after like 2 hours and only
    came back when our son was born he didnt
    even stay the night with us in the hospital ,
    and now he sees
    his son maybe once a week because he comes with
    a "package" (me) like im sorry im breastfeeding
    and i dont trust him with you!
    anyways girl you.are.beautiful!!
    the baby you are carrying is beautful
    and remember its all about your son now!
    no one else matters and once hes born
    you will never feel alone again

    seriously if you ever need to talk feel free to
    email me dabrat_emily88@hotmail.com
    ive been in your shoes and i understand completely
    when i was prego i would have loved to talk to someone so yes get at me

    g'day. ♥

  2. this is your wife. this honestly breaks my heart. i wish i was there to help you thru this bestfriend. FML ):