bittersweet

so remember how today was a great day and all that jazz...ruined! by my mom and sister
ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
they make me feel justso sad in my body i just want to hide:(((((((((
i am weak i am the black sheep i am easy to make fun of or put the blame on
i feel really down right now
so this is what happen i was in a good mood took a nap woke up then i was like ima go to my moms plus she said i can wash my clothes and its my birthday weekend
so i fill up my tank and hit the road might i add in 115 heat!
i get there and my sister unhappy evil god forgive me bitch self already starts being snappy did you bring my shirt back (i hand it to her with a smile and a FORMAL greeting of hi) O_o " we leaving why you here" ummm.....i inform her that mom invited me and max to wash clothes
"oh" :(
i knew it was going bad
because they were leaving my mom asked me to come along maybe because im not really allowed in there house alone idk sadface
so i thought we were going in my sister car so i get max's carseat (btw max is zion lol) and try to put him in but in the drivers seat i here sighs moans and groans her:"why cant you go to grannys house" :( nevermind all the times i drove her to and from work and tacobelletc so at that point i get the hint and was ready to scadaddle and hid home but my mom intervened and we rode in her car so while there in the store i stay in the hot car with max and my brother
bah blah blah
my mom asked me to add 10$patrick for his bday (mind you she knows i have to pay for school, car insurence,and elecricity and even still any extra $ is for rent or debt so wth) i say sorry no my sister cathes an attitude and they call me cheap during this tiime im just tring to make light of everything so we go to my grannys they stay in the car weird but whatev
then they start rushing me and saying im taking to long and their not going to let me wash my clothes
so on our way to my moms house my mom said something ridiculous and i dont agree but of course my sister does big surprise they're both mad and say im childish and need to gorw up
sigh i never get a chance to be just me i am a goofy fun-loving person
most of the time im in a professional setting (school,work,etc) and i put on my serious cap i never get the chance to make jokes or play around becaus eeven when im not in those setting im stressed out or overwhelmed planning my next mood or im too busy being what every1 wants or expects
i understand and fully accept that im a
mother
sister
student
employee
and i love my titles
but i also want to be me who loves to talk in funny accents laugh out of nowhere ask questions things that annoy them sigh im tired of being me lowkey i just want to take zion and be whisked away...far...fucking...away
i also have one of those mothers who think their job as a parent is done when the child is 18 its frustrating trying to talk to someone or be in need and my moms (my dad is deceased btw) consolation is "well, your grown" i need help hello thats why i came to you!! and it hurt to hear well i only got one child/responsibilty bradley patrick live with his dad well wth am i!? i am here i am here i am her ( lol from horton hears a who)and another thing im tired of my mom being narcistic and all my life shes been bi-polar and fickle im tired of having a mom when she wants to be im tired of being ashamed of myself or feeling bad or having to walk on eggshells around her im tired of them depressing me making me regret existing im tired...im just so damn tired of my mom being bittersweet!